You know those funny situations that are common to all of mankind (first-world problems mankind in any case), but that have no term with which to describe them? Well, I thought of a few and decided to try my hand at giving them names.
I am aware that many people have come up with much better attempts at putting experiences in words than my own rather loosely flung together creations. Nonetheless, this exercise gave me some satisfaction in the wake of experiencing a variety of things that do not seem to have a word coined to describe them yet. Should I google this, I am sure that many of the words already exist. If so, this was unintentional plagiarism. Playing with language is fun. Realising the depths of our own ineptitude when faced with the yawning chasm between language and life is rather like swimming in an ocean while being uncomfortably aware of the possibility of sharks underneath. Uncomfortable, yes, but exciting. So here goes:
– That sinking feeling you get when there’s only one cigarette left in the packet: Saddiction.
– The acute embarrassment you feel for people who do stupid things on movies/sitcoms: Cringepathy.
– When the weather report and the actual weather contradict each other completely: Shiverrage.
– The intense fear of talking in your sleep and thereby betraying all your deepest secrets: Idiosomnaphobia.
– That garlicky/foody/completely terrifying smell which fridges (or mine in any case) tend to carry: Inexreekable.
– That complete level of exhaustion which leaves you laughing hysterically at everything: Hilaribuzz.
– The scent of snow carried from somewhere over the mountains, which is not a smell but somehow is: Nosetalgia.
– The odd duality of missing someone and yet not missing them enough to want to see them: Guiltradiction.
– That random stone in your shoe which you can’t seem to find but which bothers you every time you walk: Plimp
– The last little bit of toothpaste left in the tube which is completely unextractible and yet feels like enough reason not to buy a new tube: Teasepaste
– The blinking message light on your phone/tablet which seems to go on the moment you decide to go to bed: Gnashwink.
– The subtle way in which you manage never to address someone directly when unsure what title would be appropriate (you/oom/sir/professor): Respecxious.
– The oddly formal voice which comes jumping out your own throat when you answer a call from someone from the bank or from your boss: Snobover.
– The self-consciously embarrassed joy you feel when sitting at home drinking beer completely by yourself: Hapward
– That jealousy you feel about others going out on a Friday night while somehow not even remotely wanting to join them: FOMOxhaustion.
– When toilet paper refuses to tear at its pre-determined seams: Fnarging.
– The act of recycling dirty laundry by spraying it all over with deodorant and then doing the sniff test: Wishful destinkification.
– Lugging every imaginable thing you own to work only to later realise that you forgot your wallet: Scramblanger.
– The smell you carry around with you after having been repeatedly rained on and dried: Labramust
– Lying awake with a cold, trying to prevent your nose from running out onto your pillow by use of mental powers: Telebooger.
– Flowers that have by now wilted completely but which you don’t want to throw out because they used to be pretty: Wiltful.
– The intention to take an afternoon nap which never reaches fruition: Snoozeation.
– The funny green pips in a tomato that make you stare at it for ages before reluctantly taking a bite: Hypochondrungry.
– Being hungry and yet not wanting anything on the menu: Frustreated.
– The jokes you make at your own expense while digging for loose change at the shop counter, or when smoking too much, or when trying to diffuse any awkward situation: Humbledrag.